“I Should” vs. “I Want”

If you’ve ever started a workout plan, a diet, a morning routine, or really anything with the words “I should…” you already know how this story ends.

A few days of effort.
A couple weeks if you’ve got grit.
Then life hits, a kid gets sick, work explodes, you miss a day, and suddenly you’re completely off track wondering why your motivation vanished.

It’s not because you’re weak. It’s not because you “don’t want it enough.”
It’s because motivation built on external pressure burns out fast.

The Psychology Today takeaway:

External-only motives (“I should,” “I have to,” “My doctor said,” “Everyone else is doing it”) create short-term compliance, not long-term consistency. Internal motives (“I want,” “I enjoy,” “This feels good,” “This matters to me”) create stability and staying power.

Let’s break this down in a way real humans, especially busy parents, actually experience it.

1. External Motivation Is Basically a Loan You Have to Keep Paying Back

When your reason for working out is something like:

• “I should lose weight.”
• “I have to get in shape before summer.”
• “My spouse wants me to.”
• “My doctor scared me.”

You’re relying on pressure, guilt, or fear.

That works… temporarily. But pressure is exhausting. Guilt drains energy. Fear spikes action, but only in short bursts. Eventually those forces fade, real life takes over, and your brain quietly says, “This isn’t fun… so why are we still doing it?” And boom, drop-off happens fast.

2. Internal Motivation Feels Lighter, So You Can Carry It Longe

Internal motivation is built from reasons like:

• “I feel better when I train.”
• “I like getting stronger.”
• “This is my one hour of peace.”
• “I want to be the parent who can play, run, lift, explore.”

These are energy-giving reasons, not energy-draining ones. They create a sense of identity. And once something becomes “who you are,” you don’t need constant motivation, you need habit and rhythm.

3. The Shift Happens When You Start Enjoying the Process (Not the Pressure)

Most people think they need to “find motivation,” but what they actually need is to find something enjoyable enough to stick with long enough for consistency to kick in.

Enjoyment doesn’t mean it’s easy. It just means it feels rewarding in some way.

For example:

• A mom who never liked working out might love how centered she feels afterward.
• A dad who hates cardio might discover he actually enjoys lifting heavy stuff.
• A beginner who dreads the gym might end up loving the community, the high-fives, the coaching support.

Enjoyment is the gateway to consistency. Consistency is the gateway to results. Results reinforce enjoyment.

That’s the motivation loop most people never get to because they’re stuck in “I should” mode.

4. Try This: Ask Yourself One Simple Question

Instead of asking, “What should I do?” ask:

What do I actually want from this?

Not what you think you should want. What you honestly want. Energy? Confidence? Strength? Sanity? An hour without kids asking for snacks? When your reason is personal, emotional, and meaningful, it sticks.

Final Thought

If you’ve been beating yourself up for not staying motivated, stop. Nothing’s wrong with you, your motivation source just wasn’t built to last. Shift from “I should” to “I want,” and watch how much easier consistency becomes. If you want help finding a style of training you actually enjoy, that’s the kind we specialize in. Let’s chat.